Questions
by RequitedLove
Summary: Louisa doesn't think Martin spends enough time with their son. This makes her angry, and makes him sad. Can James help them resolve this conflict?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 1 **

Louisa could still hear how harsh she sounded. It really was unfair of her, laying that on Martin as he prepared to travel to the conference. He had those details in his mind, as well as all the travel intricacies. There was even a bit of bad weather thrown in, and she picked that moment to tell him her disappointment with how little time he spends with their son. Maybe she was just projecting, feeling the pressure of two careers, a spirited four-year-old boy, and how little time she and Martin spent together as a couple.

Martin looked sad, of course, bordering on the deep sadness his face would show back in the days when they were trying to be a couple, and failing miserably.

Yet, even that had tried her patience. She ended up just waving him out the door. "Just go, Martin! You'll be late."

"I'll call," he'd said, then turned and left.

- oo0oo –

Louisa went upstairs and helped James finish getting ready for school.

She was completely upset with herself for her bad timing, and tried to keep it out of her voice and her actions. Martin and James had had a very nice parting, after which James had gone upstairs to dress and Martin had switched all concentration to his departure preparations. Louisa realised she felt a twinge of jealousy, of James getting that attention and her being secondary at that moment. She shook it off, knowing it was silly.

James was chattering away now, as they headed downstairs, his mind turned towards a school project he knew would be happening that day. However, as Louisa started making him a sandwich, he turned his attention towards her.

"Did you wash your hands, Mummy?"

"Yes, James. I always wash my hands before touching food."

"Good, because there is a lot of dirt that you can't see. Remember the bread spearmint?"

This Louisa did remember. She had come across the bags of mouldy bread in the pantry. Martin had forgotten to tell her about THAT particular experiment. She was thinking about how Martin did different things with James than she did, while James was telling her the whole story.

- oo0oo –

During the flight, Martin was remembering James Henry's "fever of unknown origin" - jotted haphazardly on his medical notes as "FUO" - when James was only 9 months old. He could picture the baby boy's stoic face, perhaps inherently there for his mother, who was quite worried. Louisa slept in the hospital three nights running, although "sleep" may not have been the proper term.

It had frustrated Martin to no end, because neither he nor the doctors in Truro could figure it out. And poor James suffered several IV sticks, because his tiny veins kept closing up!

Luckily, James had been a healthy toddler. Well, Martin would like to think he'd had a hand in that. And now he was a healthy, happy, rambunctious little boy.

- oo0oo –

Martin had taken James to the playground one Saturday after lunch, and thought of a way to teach the boy about germs. He needed to control the situation somewhat, so he told James they were going to do an experiment when they got home from the playground.

First, he asked James if he thought his hands were clean.

James looked at his palms and said, "Yes!"

Martin kept his scoff under control and said James should at least wipe his hands on a towel. So, the boy complied. Martin then asked if he thought his hands were clean. James wondered why he asked again, then thought about how his parents said, and quite often, 'Wash your hands.'

"They look clean, Daddy, but I didn't wash them like you always say."

"That's right, James. For our experiment, we are going to see how clean, or dirty, your hands are before you wash them."

Martin had already placed a bag of wheat bread nearby, and two plastic zipper-style bags.

"I want you to rub your hands on this slice of bread."

"Oh, Mummy wouldn't like that," said James, knowingly.

"No, she wouldn't, but it's for our experiment, and we will not be eating either of these two slices."

He handed one slice to James, who rubbed the bread with his hands with a big smile. Then, Martin helped his son use tongs to place an untouched slice of bread from the original bag into one of the plastic bags, and the touched slice into a separate one. Using a plant mister, they took turns spritzing each slice in its own bag, then zipping the bags closed.

- oo0oo –

James had just finished telling his mother about the bread in the bags. Louisa could picture how one slice had been very mouldy, while the other had very little mould. She thought about what she'd said to Martin as he'd left that morning. He did spend time with James, of course. Why had she decided it wasn't "enough" all of a sudden? She felt ashamed at how she had acted and spoken to Martin.

- oo0oo –

The flight had been non-eventful, and Martin had hurried enough to make the Gatwick Express train connection to Victoria Station, and from there caught a taxi to the conference.

He checked in and found his hotel room was nice enough. They always were. He didn't know what people meant by "cheap hotel," and didn't spend time imagining it, but he knew he had a good life. He'd worked hard for it. Yet even though the last four years had included being a father, and a husband, both of which he'd thought he'd given sufficient time to, it bothered him that Louisa did not seem to agree.

He could picture her wrinkled brow and downturned mouth as she sarcastically said she'd be taking time off after he returned, since she already spent more time with James than he did and would be worn out by the extra time this week.

Had she really meant that? Did he really not spend enough time with James?

He still worried about his ability to be a good father, not having had a good role model. He thought about the time he spent with James. It was short in the morning, and only part of the hours of weekday evenings. If he'd had emergencies, or home visits, he often ended up finishing notes and such after dinner. He had been alone with James only a couple of nights over the years, when Louisa had gone off to school-related conferences. Those were routine, having been on weeknights, so the evenings were easily filled with dinner, bath, and a story. Although he'd spent time alone with James, he'd never spent a whole day alone with his son.

Maybe that's what Louisa wanted. Time completely to herself, with neither himself nor James around. He knew he had to give this more thought, but for now he needed to concentrate on the first seminar.

**Questions - End of Chapter 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 2 **

School, and dinner, and bath time had come and gone. Louisa was about to pick a story to read to James, but he had a question.

"Can I pick which book you read to me?" he asked. They were finishing up brushing teeth and bed preparations.

"I suppose. Can you pick just one?" asked Louisa.

"Yes. Daddy says it is a big decision, and that I can make a big decision like that," James told her, proudly.

- oo0oo -

Martin awoke, disturbed again by his childhood butterfly dream. The one in which he was so proud to have identified and caught a Pale Clouded Yellow butterfly. He had run into his father's room, very excited and proud, but his father had yelled at him for not knocking first. The dream only returned at times like this, when he doubted his ability to be a good father.

He wasn't joyfully physical with his son, as he'd seen some fathers be. But he didn't push his son away. He'd held his hand, carried him, and held him until he'd fallen asleep. And these days they sat companionably close on the sofa while reading, or, occasionally, watching a television documentary. But his own father had been so distant and unfriendly. He knew he had a bit of that in himself, so he guessed it was why it would manifest itself in a bad dream.

Martin saw a text message on his phone. Louisa liked to tell him about the little things going on at home whenever he was away. He was thankful her anger from this morning hadn't made her forego this routine that he'd always been grateful for. She mentioned that she and James had gone to the library, had run into Ruth, and that Ruth said hello.

It made Martin remember a recent day when he and James were going out to buy the ingredients for the evening meal.

- oo0oo -

Martin had told James in advance that after they went to the store, they would have to go straight home to put their purchases in the refrigerator. He asked if James wanted to do something before they went to the store. James thought about it and said, "Can we go to the library?"

At the library, James had an established routine for picking books. He sat in front of the low shelves and, head tilted, he slowly flipped the books from leaning right to leaning left. He could see their covers as he went, and pulled them out one at a time if they looked interesting to him. He was remarkably calm and patient, placing books he didn't want right back in the place he'd taken them from.

While James did this, Martin looked at a couple titles on the picture books, and the librarian came over. She greeted "Doctor Ellingham" and asked if she could help locate anything for him. He thought a minute then told her a couple of subjects and she found both picture books and a couple a little older that still contained illustrations.

He thought about a book on butterflies that he remembered spending a lot of time studying as a child. He asked the librarian if there was a copy available. She was only able to find newer books on that subject. He thanked her, but decided not to borrow one at that time.

Later that evening, Martin was reading a medical journal, and was slightly slouched into one end of the couch. James was leaning against Martin, his legs stretched along the couch, pyjamas, dressing gown, and slippers on. They had decided that Martin would read for a bit, and during that time, James would choose between two library books which one Martin would read to him at bedtime.

- oo0oo –

Something else had happened when Louisa and James had visited the library that afternoon. The librarian had come over to talk with Louisa.

"Doctor Ellingham asked me about a book on butterflies when he was here with James. I thought he just wanted any picture book, but after they'd gone, I started thinking he might have meant a book from his childhood. There is a wonderful book called Butterflies from 1961. I could try and have one sent here from another library, or you could order one online. Some of the ones I saw are a bit expensive, though, being treated as collectibles."

"That's very kind of you to have gone to so much trouble."

"Oh, no trouble at all."

"I will think about it. Martin doesn't approve of things being sentient, or talking animals..."

"Oh, no, it's not a storybook. It's just all about butterflies. I could show you a couple of newer books that are similar."

But something had clicked in Louisa's mind. If Martin was looking for a book from his childhood, then his being nostalgic was very interesting. Touching, even.

"Tell you what. Thank you for this information, but I think I will give it some thought first. I do need to get James on home for dinner, but thank you so much."

The librarian could see Louisa's mind working. Perhaps she'd given her an idea for a gift. Either way, it was good to feel helpful.

As Louisa and James rounded the corner at the bottom of Manor Road, Ruth appeared.

"Hello, Louisa. Hello, James." As the boy had gotten older, and become capable of holding conversations, Ruth had found it easier to address him by name, rather than "the child" as she'd done when he was still a baby.

"Hello, Ruth," Louisa said, pleasantly. Their relationship had become easier over time. The prickly woman had perhaps thawed once Louisa and Martin had married, and she'd been a great asset to helping them be a family, being the older generation they lacked in the absence of their own parents. Unfortunately, it was an absence they both preferred.

"Hello, Auntie Ruth," said James. He was clutching two library books, and Ruth easily took the conversation in that direction.

"What have you chosen today?" She pointed at his books.

James held them out and Louisa read their names.

"The Hare and the Tortoise, and Jumblebum."

"They sound fun," Ruth lied to James, kindly. She turned to Louisa.

"He usually ends up with something a bit studious when he's with Martin."

"I know. But it's just the two of us for a couple of days, so, we're going to be a bit whimsical. Interestingly, the librarian was just telling me about a book on butterflies that Martin had inquired about. She thought of a book from the sixties, and wondered if it was the one Martin was remembering."

Ruth interjected, "I can't believe it, but I may have the book you are talking about. I have parted with many of Joan's things, but I kept her books..."

"That would be wonderful! And a great gift for Martin. Let me know if you come across it."

**Questions - End of Chapter 2**

**Author's Notes:**

1. What I call "The Butterfly Dream" is from the beginning scene of Episode 5-05 "Remember Me," written by Jack Lothian.

2. I found a book offered via several outlets that would have been appropriate for a young Martin Ellingham: Butterflies. With Illustrations (Puffin Picture Books, No. 115) by Arthur Smith, Vernon Shearer - Puffin Books, 1961.

3. The library books James had were: The Hare and the Tortoise by Brian Wildsmith (which someone described as "absolutely magnificent"), and, Jumblebum by Chai Strathie (which someone else described as "huge fun").


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 3**

"Can we get a good dog, like Buddy?" asked James, as one of the village's dogs trotted along beside them and let James pat its head.

"Who said he was a 'good dog'?" wondered Louisa. They were almost to the school, the next morning.

"That's what Daddy called him," James told her. He started telling her about the time his father said that.

- oo0oo -

When he finished dressing, Martin read a text from Louisa asking him if he really called Buddy a "good dog." Martin shook his head as he remembered one evening on the farm.

- oo0oo -

They were going to Aunt Ruth's for dinner. Martin had made allowances in his schedule for this day, so he could spend more time with James and not leave him in care past the time when Louisa would usually get him home. She was away until the next evening, attending a seminar.

They drove up to the farmhouse and parked. Ruth emerged from within while Martin helped James out of the car. The little dog ran up, trying to show Martin its happiness at seeing him, but then it got distracted by the exuberant little boy that climbed down from the car. James immediately ran a bit with the dog, laughing at how it moved right along with him.

"Let him play with the dog, Martin! We'll make sure he washes his hands afterward. Buddy is a pretty good dog, you have to admit. James will get good exercise running around with him, and he'll sleep better for it later."

They watched as Buddy licked James Henry's face. Martin grimaced.

"Yes, we'll wash his face, too," Ruth added.

Now Martin could see James purposely moving in different directions to make the dog follow him. James ran out of their sight, and that's when he slid a bit more than expected and one knee hit the ground. It took a moment, but James started crying. The dog ran back into Martin and Ruth's view and barked meaningfully in their direction. When Martin started walking quickly towards the dog, it disappeared around where James had run.

Martin heard his son crying now, and he could see the dog cuddled next to James. The boy had one hand around the dog and the other near a scrape on his knee. Martin muttered, "Good dog" as he knelt down and looked at the scrape. He saw it was a minor injury, but scooped James up anyway.

He looked at Ruth approaching, and she calmly offered, "I have the basics, antibiotic and bandages."

So, they all went inside and tended to James Henry's knee. Ruth talked about first aid while Martin went about caring for his son's wound. She talked about stopping any bleeding by applying pressure, and using hydrogen peroxide to clean the cut, and how a bandage and antibiotic ointment can reduce the chance of infection and minimise scarring.

James listened, but he mostly enjoyed how his scrape bubbled when his father applied the hydrogen peroxide.

James had been mostly quiet as they drove home, tired, as Ruth had foreseen. Martin gave him his bath, which was more of a spray-down to avoid soaking his bandage. When Martin had finished reading to James and was saying goodnight, he could feel his mobile vibrating in his pocket. He didn't answer it, though, because he didn't want to get James all wound up now he was so near sleep.

He finished tucking the bedding close around the boy's small body. Then, as he'd done nearly every day of James Henry's life, he touched his cheek with the back of his knuckles, and smoothed his large hand over the small head of his son.

Once downstairs, he called Louisa back. He was always happy when he heard her voice.

"Hello, Martin. How are you?"

"Good," he replied.

"And James?" she asked, before he could say anything else.

"Good. Um, he just went to bed quite peacefully. He may have been tired out after being at Ruth's."

"What happened at Ruth's?" asked Louisa, with just a little bit of an edge to her voice. She knew Martin well enough by now to know how he began more serious topics of conversation. Usually he didn't talk much at all, but by mentioning the farm, she knew something must have happened there.

"Um," Martin paused. "It's just a small scrape. His knee. James scraped his knee." He had reassured her and they'd had a pleasant chat before retiring for the night.

In the darkness of the next morning, Martin had awoken, and saw it was long before the alarm. He didn't think there had been any loud noise, but then he glanced towards the door. There stood James, all 3 1/2 feet of him, leaning against the doorway. He really was tall for his age.

"Come in," Martin invited, in a hushed voice.

James sleepily came into the bedroom, clambered up and over Martin, eliciting a grunt for an elbow, and another for a knee, and promptly fell asleep face down where Louisa usually lay. Martin rubbed his back, his large hand covering nearly all of James Henry's width, then brought the covers up to keep the little boy warm.

Martin had missed Louisa the previous night, their first apart since they'd moved into their new house. He closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

As they'd gotten ready for work and school, James asked, "Where does blood come from, Daddy? Why is it red?"

Martin remembered talking about blood with James, how it is found in people and animal bodies, and how you bleed when you are cut. He showed what blood was made of using Cheerios to represent doughnut-shaped red blood cells, and marshmallows to represent white blood cells. He had James use yellow food coloring to make a glass of water to represent plasma, to which they added the "blood cells" and salt.

He showed James a few photos in a children's level science book of how blood flows all throughout the body.

- oo0oo –

After school, Louisa was sorting through some school paperwork. She thought about Martin's text about the time when James scraped his knee. It was while he and Martin were at Ruth's, and she was away overnight. Even at his young age, James and Martin already had lots of experiences together that didn't include her. It was the same with her and James. Maybe she had been focusing too much on the quantity of time, rather than...

"Ow!" said Louisa, loudly.

"Mummy!" yelled James, as he ran to her. "Are you okay? Are you okay on your head?"

"Oh, yes, sweetie. It's just a paper cut on my finger. They really sting when they happen."

"Do you know how to take care of cuts? I do!"

"Don't tell me. Daddy taught you?"

"No, Auntie Ruth did. Daddy told me all about blood!" James was talking fast now, trying to remember it all.

"He told me about doughnut cells, marshmallow cells, salt, and heart pumps!" He chattered on happily while Louisa started an e-mail to Martin…

- oo0oo –

Ruth was out walking the perimeter of the farm when she ran into Shirley Dunwich, her neighbour with the odd, artistic son. They chatted pleasantly for a few minutes. Shirley was calm and amusing, when she wasn't affected by arsenic poisoning.

For small talk, Ruth mentioned she'd been going through Joan's old books. She said Louisa was looking for a book on butterflies for Martin. Shirley remembered Joan and Phil talking about a few of their books over the years. She knew Phil had particularly cared about his farming and agricultural science books.

They soon parted, after agreeing to have tea sometime. Shirley headed in to make supper for herself and Michael, and Ruth went back to looking through Joan's books.

**Questions - End of Chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 4**

James crossed off another of the "Days Until Daddy is Home' and pushed the calendar across the table to Louisa.

"Can I help wash the dishes? I'm good at it." James said this quite proudly.

"Oh? And how did you become good at washing dishes?" Louisa asked him.

"Daddy taught me," James informed her.

- oo0oo -

Because he had a wonderful mother, James didn't eat his meals in silence the way Martin was raised. His mind did hop from subject to subject, but Martin enjoyed it. Without the distraction, and he realised he thought that in the most positive of ways, of Louisa's lovely voice, he listened to James Henry's squeaky little-boy chatter. He expected that James would have that voice for only so many years. Then his son's voice would deepen, as had his, and his father's, and Louisa's father.

They were finishing breakfast on a Saturday morning, allowing Louisa to enjoy a lie-in. James was telling his father about good foods and bad foods. Martin had been adding to the explanation of "good" as opposed to "good for you."

"But some foods are tasty AND trishous, yeah?" asked James.

"Yes, James. Some foods both taste good and are NEW-tritious." He gently slipped in, "But tasty doesn't mean it tastes like candy. You can enjoy all the many flavors of lots of foods."

They finished up and Martin asked James if he wanted to help wash the dishes.

James laughed. "But I can't reach that high!"

Martin placed a chair in front of the kitchen sink, then lifted James onto the chair. And so they stood side by side and washed the dishes together. Martin gave James a couple of already clean, unbreakable items, and let James industriously scrub at them. Meanwhile, he efficiently finished the task around his son.

- oo0oo -

Dear Martin,

I'm sorry for acting the way I did yesterday when you were leaving. I never like when you are away, and it isn't because I am left behind with James. He is our wonderful son and I cherish my time with him. But I cherish my time with you, as well, and for a long time I've felt like we have less and less time together, just the two of us.

I'm sorry I chose that moment to be resentful.

See you soon.

Love,

Louisa

Martin felt much better after receiving Louisa's e-mail. Deep down, though, he knew she wouldn't have said what she'd said yesterday if it didn't have a small bit of truth. Being away for only a day already reminded him how much attention James needed. It wasn't just holding conversations with him, or getting him from one activity to the next, including meals. It was the ever-watchfulness needed to protect him from every little thing.

He and Louisa had discussed this a long time ago. They agreed not to dwell on and worry about their son being kidnapped again. They knew it had been a rare occurrence. And besides, Clive had taken retirement and the Tishells had left Portwenn on an open-ended, extended vacation. Martin had seen their newly purchased camper van leaving town. In the years since, it was just normal things, like a hot iron, glass, spilling drinks, an unlocked door, bumps and scrapes that made a parent wary.

By her e-mail, Martin knew Louisa was no longer angry with him. He missed her. He pulled out his mobile and looked at the photos of her and of James. Life was definitely better with them in it.

- oo0oo –

Dear Louisa,

I'm sorry for my lack of attention towards you as I prepared for this trip. I know it wasn't James that made you angry. Maybe we can plan how I may spend more time with him. Maybe we can do something, just the two of us, soon.

Yours,

Martin

Louisa felt much better now they'd addressed the previous morning. As she settled in for the night, she ran her hand over the space that usually held Martin. She really did miss him when he was away. He completed things. Once her childhood family had broken up, it was no longer like a family, really, just two people getting on.

With Martin, she had what she'd always dreamed about; Mom and Dad together with their child and lots of help and support and love to go around.

She decided she would do something nice for Martin. She would buy a copy of that book for him. Even if it turned out not to be exactly the right one, she still wanted to try.

- oo0oo –

Michael Dunwich sat on the edge of his bed with three books in his hands. One was about horses, and another was about dogs. These had been his favorite books at one time. He'd been enchanted by horses, and specifically by a neighbour who used horses instead of a tractor for plowing his fields.

The "next door" neighbours while he was growing up, Joan and Phil Norton, had a small flock of sheep. He'd imagined having a champion sheep herding dog one day. He still thought those dogs were amazing.

Neither of these had come about, though, as his parents' marriage had fallen apart and his mother had to find work in town to make a living.

The third book, though, brought back magical memories. It was called "Butterflies." His mum had planted a butterfly garden, and there was no end to the variety of sizes and colors of butterflies that stopped by while he was growing up. The garden had Cone flowers, Bird's Foot Trefoil, Red Clover, and, of course, the Butterfly bush itself, Buddleia. She'd let the garden go over the years, but the butterflies actually seemed to like it more that way.

Michael had put check marks by the drawings of the butterflies he'd identified. Some of the drawings also had dates written under them, starting with many in 1969 to a few each year up to 1972, all of them from before he was born.

He supposed it was the book his mother said the doctor's wife was looking for. It had probably belonged to Doctor Ellingham when he was a boy. It had likely come to be Michael's as many things had in his life, secondhand. But that didn't make it any less precious.

Now the doctor had a boy of his own. Maybe his boy would like butterflies, too. He probably should give the Doc the book. After all, the Doc had solved the mystery of his mother's wild illness a few years back. He hated talking with people, though. He didn't feel like thinking about it anymore, so he set the books on his nightstand, drew his legs under the covers, and turned off the light.

**Questions - End of Chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 5 **

Louisa opened the door to get the newspaper the next morning, and spotted a small bag on the doorstep. She opened it, peered inside, and saw a book.

"Butterflies," it said on the cover.

'That's wonderful,' she thought. 'Ruth found the book.' It was a children's book, with every other pair of pages filled with color illustrations.

She stopped at the page of whites, which had the lightest colored butterflies, and read the names: Large White, Green-veined White, Brimstone, Orange-tip, and Clouded Yellow. Maybe these were Martin's favorites. After all, he had been the one to buy the yellow butterfly mobile that had hung over James Henry's crib.

As she walked back into the house, she phoned Ruth, but she had to leave a message.

"Ruth, I just wanted to call and thank you for finding the Butterflies book. It looks properly used. I am already imagining Martin studying it as a boy. I think he'll be secretly happy to have it. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Bye."

She set the book out of sight of James, for now. If anyone should show it to him, it should be Martin.

- oo0oo –

Martin was thinking about how far he had come since he conquered, mostly, his haemophobia. His sense of smell had always been keen, and it continued to help him in making diagnoses and also figuring out potential poisonings. But he still held his breath when dealing with blood in his practice. He remembered wondering about James Henry's sense of smell.

- oo0oo –

Martin set up a game for James. Having access to plastic pill bottles, he made pairs of them with the same scents inside. He used cotton balls, some "filled" with baby powder, cinnamon, and coffee, and the others soaked with lemon juice and vanilla flavoring.

He instructed James to breathe gently, and to match the pairs of containers with the same scents. James turned out to do this well, and could even name most of the scents. Martin was proud that his son had inherited this from him.

James enjoyed it so much, he wanted his mum to play. They all had a laugh, because Louisa had added to the fun, calling the scents by her own names: a baby, a breakfast muffin, Daddy's fancy machine, lemonade, and the bakery.

- oo0oo –

Louisa and James were nearly finished at the grocery where they'd stopped on the way home. James was staring wistfully at the biscuit selection. The grocer walked down their aisle and greeted them.

"Doc Martin was in here with James last week. He was telling him about good foods and not so good foods, but that some not so good for you foods taste 'good.' He was very patient with James, who listened very closely to him and his explanation."

James liked hearing someone telling his memories.

"It's true," said Louisa, smiling. She brushed her hand over James Henry's head who was looking up and smiling.

"It's not good to eat too many sweets," lectured James. He thought for a moment. "But they do taste good." He looked back at the biscuits.

"Good lad," said the grocer, lightly patting James Henry's shoulder. "Good day to ya." He continued down the aisle.

"I do have biscuits on my shopping list," Louisa told James. "You may pick one of these." She indicated an oatmeal brand, and her favorite, chocolate digestives.

Later, at home, dinner was cooking, and Louisa had been enjoying the "drive time" music while she prepared it. When James smiled at her from the table, where he had been coloring, she invited him to dance. They laughed for the next couple of songs as they wiggled and slid and twirled to the music. Then, James stopped. He sniffed the air.

"Mummy! Do you smell that? It's lemon and cinnamum! Do you 'member Daddy's smelling game?"

"I do, James. Aren't you clever? That IS lemon and cinnamon!" She was making muffins for school the next day, her turn in the monthly rota. "I can let you have one, after dinner, but they are for the teacher meeting tomorrow morning at school."

After dinner, Martin called. Louisa let him and James have a chat, while she cleared the table and started the washing up.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, James?"

"Is that you?"

"Yes, James. It's me. How are you, son?"

James thought for a moment, about how he'd been told to talk nicely to people. "I'm fine, thank you."

"I'm glad."

James smiled, picturing his Daddy in his mind. Then he frowned, trying to imagine where his father was. "What does it look like where you are?"

"I am in London. It has many more cars than Portwenn. And it has many tall buildings. It is a very big city."

"Can you see the sea?"

"No, but I can see water. It is a big river I see, called the Thames."

"Thames," said James, thinking about a river. "When will you be home, Daddy?"

"I am coming home Friday. Let's see. Today is Wednesday, and when you wake up tomorrow, it will be Thursday. Then you will go to sleep again tomorrow night, and when you wake up, it will be Friday. I will see you Friday after school."

"Okay, Daddy." James looked at his mother, and thought of the fun they'd been having before this phone call. "Can you dance?"

"I, um. What made you think to ask that, James?" Martin always got a bit uncomfortable when he thought about dancing.

"Mummy and I danced. She played music, and let me stand on her feet so we could dance the same, and she laughed, and I laughed." James clearly had enjoyed the dancing, as well as his mother's pleasure.

Martin felt a pang of guilt, because he had never taken Louisa dancing. They had usually had the excuse of James, as well as both truthfully enjoying just being quietly at home. No demanding or quarrelsome patients. No demanding or lazy students.

"Yes, James. I learned how to dance when I was a boy, in school. Not as young as you are..."

Louisa was gently interrupting now, whispering, "Time to say goodnight, James."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, James?"

"It's time to say goodnight."

"Yes. Mustn't keep you from getting a good night's sleep. Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Daddy," James said, and surrendered the phone to his mum.

"Please go upstairs and put on your pyjamas, James. I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Yes, Mummy."

- oo0oo –

Later, Louisa was thinking about how Martin had sounded on the phone. He was never good at hiding his boredom with some of the seminar topics, but he didn't complain. She had encouraged him to use some of his free time to go to a museum. He said he would think about it. Mostly, he'd sounded a bit sad.

The phone rang, interrupting her reverie. It was Ruth calling her back, and Louisa started in again with her thank yous.

"That's why I called, Louisa. I couldn't find the book," Ruth finally got a word in.

"Oh, well, maybe it was the librarian. Maybe she got a copy from one of the sources she mentioned." It did seem odd, though, a librarian making a home visit.

"That's pretty industrious of her," Ruth said. "Martin must have sounded like he really wanted it for her to have gone through the trouble."

"Well," said Louisa, "She did say it was no trouble at all."

When they hung up, Louisa called the library to leave a message for the librarian. She felt bad that she'd waited all day to do so, but it couldn't be helped.

She then spent a few minutes looking through the book. It was simply presented, like a children's book, but the writing was for older children and up. She noticed some of the illustrations had check marks by them, and some had dates.

Before she turned off the light, she started a letter to Martin.

**Questions - End of Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 6 **

On the way to school Thursday morning, Louisa took James to pick up a prescription from the chemist. The pharmacist arose from stocking some lower shelves and said, "I remember this young man. You are Doctor Ellingham's son." He turned towards Louisa.

"They were by the bandages for a while when they were here. His father showed him all the different types and explained a few injuries that would need braces, slings, a butterfly bandage ..."

As he talked, Louisa thought again about the kind of time Martin spent with James. She, herself, didn't rush James, but she had a habit of being efficient, moving from task to task or from errand to errand without wasting much time. She smiled because James was looking up and smiling at hearing a memory about himself.

"That's right, James," she said, and brushed her hand over his head. "Your father does like to teach. He used to, in London. Guess we teachers can never let a teachable moment go by."

Louisa paid for her purchase, and she and James made their way to the school.

- oo0oo -

"What do you know about time?" Martin asked his son.

"A clock tells time," answered James.

"That's right, it does. Did you know there is more than one way to tell time?" Martin asked James.

"Not just a clock?"

"Not just a clock. A clock is good for keeping track of the hours in a day, but once you need to look at a longer period of time, like days or weeks, a calendar is more useful. I am going to show you a little bit about time and calendars."

Martin showed James his wristwatch. James put his hands on his father's arm, on either side of the watch, and stared at the perfect sweep of the second hand. He touched the crown, but didn't turn it, and subconsciously squeezed Martin's wrist. They counted the numbers from one to twelve together.

Next, Martin showed him the digital clock in the surgery waiting room. They waited and watched enough seconds for James to see the time change.

"I like your watch better," James decided. Martin agreed that the digital clock wasn't as helpful for learning how to tell time.

Next, Martin showed James the surgery schedule book. Here he had to explain that although a watch had 12 hours, a day had 24 hours. He told James it is why after lunchtime at 12 o'clock noon, time started over at 1 and went to 12 o'clock midnight. He mainly showed how the schedule book had people's names in each hour of the work day.

Lastly, Martin showed James a calendar. He told him there are seven days in a week and about four weeks in a month. He told James he would learn more about all of these in school, and he assured him, "Whenever you have a question about time, your Mum and I will help you."

He reminded James he would be going away the next day for four nights. He helped James create a calendar to use while he was away and they titled it, "Days Until Daddy is Home."

- oo0oo –

Martin went through a see-through PVC strip curtain, and a young woman held up her hand. She signaled for him to spin around, then gave him the all clear to pass through to the outside. He had never experienced anything like it.

It all started the day before when Robert had invited him to stop round Imperial while he was in the city. They had their usual type of conversation, Robert boasting, Martin recounting. At least Robert still seemed impressed with Martin's diagnostic skills. Martin felt a bit of pride that his talent was recognised by someone he still respected in the medical world.

At some point, Martin had mentioned Louisa's suggestion of visiting a museum. Robert had pointed out that the Natural History Museum was adjacent to Imperial's campus.

And here he was, looking back at the enclosure he'd just emerged from. Hundreds of butterflies could be seen inside, several of which had come to rest on him as he'd slowly moved through the exhibit. It was incredible that they'd come from Belize, Costa Rica, and parts of Africa and Asia. Really quite something.

He hoped the museum would continue what he'd learned was still a fairly new annual exhibit. Maybe he could bring James here on a family visit one day.

- oo0oo –

"Ruth, I found out from the librarian that she didn't give us the butterflies book. Now it's a real mystery. I was looking through it, and there are dates next to some of the butterfly species. I think those must be when the owner saw those butterflies. The dates are around 1969 to 1972. I think this must be Martin's book."

Now it was Ruth's turn to try and figure out the mystery.

"You know, after I first spoke with you about the book, I ran into my neighbour, Shirley Dunwich. I am pretty sure I mentioned the book to her. She didn't say she had it, or even remembered it, but I wonder. It does seem a coincidence."

"Michael still lives there with her, doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does. Did you know he stole my hubcaps when I first moved to Portwenn?"

"He was always an odd, artistic type. I am imagining him, though, with this book. It would have been just like Joan to pass something like that on to another child."

When they finished their phone conversation, Louisa re-read her letter to Martin. She added a couple of sentences, then prepared herself for bed.

- oo0oo –

At school on Friday morning, Louisa reviewed her work schedule and decided she wanted to go home early to get ready for Martin's return around dinner time. She knew another teacher only needed the morning off, so there was already a substitute teacher in the school. She asked the substitute if she could cover Louisa's afternoon class.

- oo0oo –

In his hotel room on Friday morning, Martin reviewed the last morning's offerings at the conference, and decided he could stay in London no longer. He called and found a flight back to Cornwall leaving just after 9 AM, and switched his ticket. The flight and drive would get him home around 11 AM. He made another decision. He didn't call to tell Louisa he would be home early.

**Questions - End of Chapter 6**

**Author's note:**

The butterfly exhibit Martin walked through is on this year. It is called Sensational Butterflies and is at The Natural History Museum from 29 March - 15 September 2013.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 7 **

Waiting was hard. Martin knew this from so many different times in his life. It was usually most annoying when he wanted to get confirmation on a patient's diagnosis; when he knew the patient needed to be in hospital receiving immediate care.

James had told Martin to "hurry up" a couple of times lately, so he thought of a way to teach his son about waiting.

"What is this place?" asked James. He was leaning forward and half-twisted in his car booster seat to look at the large building with farm equipment to one side.

"It's a farm and garden centre," his father told him.

"What do we do here?"

"I want to show you some plants, and buy grass seed. We are going to make a gift for your Mum."

"With grass seed?" James was quite puzzled as they walked up to the entrance. Martin steered him towards the outdoor plant area.

As they were driving home, they talked about how seeds need time to grow, and he helped James remember the different plants, at different stages and sizes, that they had seen inside the farm and garden centre.

"Like you, James," Martin pointed out. "You were a tiny baby, then you learned to walk, and now you are getting taller each year until you are a man."

"Like you?" asked James.

"Yes, like me."

He reminded James that he would be going on a trip the following week. He said that the grass seed would take this week and next week to grow into the gift, so it would be ready when he got back from his trip. James asked if the grass seed would grow pretty flowers. Martin helped him remember that they had seen many different types of plants. He had James look at the photo on the seed bag and to see that grass was very plain compared to flowering plants.

Back at home, Martin showed James a small area at the back of the garden. He told James that he had already cleared away anything in the top layer that would grow. He said that was his part of the gift, but now it was James Henry's turn to finish the gift. He helped James use the grass seed to spell out "MUM" in big letters in the dirt. Then they lightly covered the seeds and watered them. He asked James to be patient. He reminded him how some time goes by quickly and some time is longer, and you shouldn't always be in a hurry for the good things in life.

He realised it would be hard for James not to spoil the surprise, but it would be okay if he did. He decided to just water the seeds himself, just in case, then let the expected rainy weather coming the next week finish the job. Maybe he would help James try another seed project when he returned from London, but let James do the watering next time.

- oo0oo -

Martin entered the house and breathed in and sighed. It was very quiet, and that was nice, but it was home, and he couldn't wait for it to be filled with James Henry's happy chatter and Louisa's lovely voice. He set his bag and briefcase by the stairs and went to the kitchen. Although he'd had some coffee since awaking early, he felt like having a cup of espresso.

He started the machine, then noticed a pen and paper at the table. Moving closer, he could read, "Dear Martin" at the top. Louisa's handwriting covered the whole side visible and he started to read.

- oo0oo -

Louisa rolled onto her back and yawned. She kept her eyes closed, enjoying cutting out from work early to have a lie-down.

It was going to be nice having Martin home. James would be very happy, judging by the flourish he gave the "X" he drew on the "Days Until Daddy is Home" calendar this morning. On the way to school, they had discussed doing something special with Martin. James said he thought Daddy would like to go to the farm.

Louisa wondered if James could sense the comfortable nostalgia Martin must feel when he went there.

- oo0oo -

"So you see, I love how you are with James, how you give him your full attention, sharing your knowledge and interests with him," Martin read.

He set the letter down. It didn't appear to be finished, but it had so many nice things in it, he couldn't help but feel emotional. She liked how he was as a father was the gist of it. He hadn't considered she'd feel this way. He had, in fact, spent most of his time away feeling inadequate.

As he stood there in wonder, he heard the toilet flush upstairs, followed by running water. He swiftly moved to the bottom of the stairs and called up, "Hello?"

Louisa stopped moving, because she hadn't recognised the voice at first. Then she heard Martin's unmistakable, "Louisa?" She dropped the hand towel she was holding and hurried to the top of the stairs.

"Martin? How... When did you get here?"

Martin was climbing the stairs now.

"I couldn't bear to be away any longer," he said. He stopped one step down from her and took her in his arms and held her. "I changed to an earlier flight."

They moved apart slightly and sweetly kissed. Then Martin jerked his head back. "But why are you home now? Are you unwell?" He looked at her eyes and skin tone, and placed his lips on her forehead, checking for fever.

"No, not sick. I just didn't want to be at work any longer. There was already a substitute teacher there for the morning, so I asked her if she could stay on."

She ran her hand through his hair from his temple to the back of his head, then left her hand there, lightly playing with his short hair.

He was relieved, and brought one hand up into her hair. "And James is still in school?" he asked, while searching her eyes for her reaction.

"Yes," she smiled. "James is still in school." She could practically see his mind working.

"Um. May I show you something?" asked Martin, as he started to steer her towards their bedroom.

"Whatever could it be?" Louisa asked, with a giggle, as Martin closed the bedroom door.

- oo0oo –

Louisa's phone rang and went to voicemail.

"Hi, Louisa. I spoke with Shirley, and she laughed, because she found the book on Michael's nightstand and took it and was planning on giving it to you, but it disappeared."

**Questions - End of Chapter 7**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 8 **

Martin pointed at the letter on the kitchen table.

"It means a lot to me, what you wrote about the type of time I spend with James."

They were preparing lunch, each very content with how their Friday had gone so far.

"You read that?! Oh, it wasn't finished!" Louisa tried to remember everything in the letter. She now knew what caused his actions when they greeted each other at the top of the stairs.

Martin smiled at her pout, and took her hands in his own.

"I like it just the way it is," Martin reassured her. He kissed her hand. "My father made me feel that parents did not have to spend time with their children, and when they HAD to, it was a nuisance. I don't want to be like him, and I thought I wasn't."

"You're NOT!" Louisa firmly told him.

Martin let go of her hands and turned towards the counter. "But you said I don't spend enough time with James," he said, sadly.

Louisa rubbed his back. "Martin, I am sorry about that. I apologized. Please forgive me. It was a bad morning."

Martin turned, and cuddled her. "I know. But you were right. James is a smart boy and maybe doesn't need constant physical stimulation, like running and jumping, but he needs to have our attention, still, to keep him safe. I know that takes a lot of time."

"Yes, but the main thing, Martin, is that I felt like I spend so much time with James that you and I don't have alone time. I was thinking of quantity, but really, it is true what they say."

"What do they say?" asked Martin, quietly.

"Quality is better than quantity. Like I wrote in the letter, people all around town notice how you are with James. You are a really great Dad. Thank you so much." She moved up and they kissed.

Suddenly, she pulled back. "I almost forgot! You'll never believe what is here for you." She went to the catch-all drawer by the door and pulled out the Butterflies book. She handed it to him and told him about the librarian, and Ruth, and Ruth and Shirley. Then she noticed Martin just standing there.

He held the book in his hands. He knew it was his book from his boyhood on the farm without even opening it, because of damage about two inches up the spine; specific damage that he had caused.

Louisa could tell he was experiencing more emotion than he had in some time.

"What is it, Martin? Please, for once, tell me."

And so he told her.

- oo0oo –

It had been one of the few things he'd truly enjoyed as a child. It wasn't just the catching and having, it was so much more. It was the anticipation that he could go back to it when he came to Cornwall. It was the studying and memorising of the many varieties, and the hope of not only finding one of each "common" butterfly, but also the chance of spotting a rarity. It was being out in the field where the butterfly-attracting bushes were and being still, and feeling the lightest breezes because you were so still.

And it brought back the day he had identified and caught the Pale Clouded Yellow rarity and felt exuberant beyond anything in his life before, and possibly since. And how his father had taken that feeling away in a moment. A moment where knocking first was more important than the happiness of a son.

He had left his father and gone to his room and flung the book, so hard that it caused a permanent dent in the spine. He'd picked up the book and written down the date under the Pale Clouded Yellow. And he'd never looked at butterflies again.

- oo0oo –

Louisa had taken his hand while he spoke, something he'd gotten used to since the early days of knowing her, when he flinched at her touch.

Now, she hugged him. After they'd held each other for a couple of minutes, she walked him to the table and they sat down. They ate for a while, Louisa noting his pensiveness.

"Martin, do you remember when we got James back from Mrs. Tishell?"

"Louisa, we agreed not to..."

"Not that. I remember you saying you weren't going to be like your father, and James wasn't going to be like you..."

"He ISN'T!"

"I know. Let me finish... I like many things about you, not least how you take care of everyone, and everything, really, and I hope James is like you in those respects. Now, here's an opportunity to right a great wrong of your father's. You can teach James about butterflies, and you can allow him to be excited when he catches the light yellow one..."

"Pale Clouded Yellow."

"...whichever one excites him. And it will be better than the memory you have, and a great memory for James, as well."

Martin looked at her. She was so positive, so sure, that he started to believe it, too. He hadn't been interested in butterflies all these years. He guessed he'd just pushed it all away after his father had yelled and the jar had broken. But maybe it was a frivolous thing he could enjoy with James. It would definitely be a way to spend more time with him.

He knew there was still an opportunity for teaching, so that appealed to him, but since he knew how he had felt hunting for each type of butterfly, identifying it, and the chase to catch it, he knew he would enjoy seeing his son experience that, as well.

"I went to the Natural History Museum," he said, seemingly off topic.

"Oh, good! Did you see the blue whale hanging from the ceiling?"

"I didn't go inside. I didn't get that far."

Now Louisa was a little bit disappointed.

"Changed your mind? Went back to the boring conference?

"No. There was an exhibit out front." Louisa didn't interrupt, this time. "They had an enclosure filled with hundreds of tropical butterflies from around the world."

He talked about how each time he stopped to read an informational display card, a butterfly would land on him. He explained how he stayed still and watched them open and close their wings a few times before fluttering off.

Louisa couldn't believe it. It was as if Martin was transformed. She stood, walked around the table to him, and took his hand.

"May I show you something?" she asked him.

He looked up at her, a bit slower than she'd been earlier, then rose and followed her towards the stairs. He asked, "Whatever could it be?" and Louisa giggled again.

**Questions - End of Chapter 8**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Doc Martin and recognizable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

**Questions - Chapter 9 **

They had finished clearing away the remains of lunch, and were ready to pick up their son from school. Louisa had convinced Martin that they should go together, to make it special for James. He decided he would like to see his son's reaction to both of them showing up. He had learned that little things could mean a lot to a child. It was true in his case, at any rate. He had let a childhood disappointment affect him well into his adulthood.

Martin had been going through some of his mail, and Louisa noticed a small envelope and card on the table. They reminded her of the size of a wedding invitation RSVP, so she just had to look. It _was_ an RSVP, but for an NHS South West Semi-Annual Dinner-Dance being held at the Hotel Victoria in Newquay.

"What's this?" she asked, and Martin brought his attention back to the kitchen. He knew what it was, because it had only been minutes since he'd spontaneously set it aside to discuss with her later. When he opened it, he had instantly remembered his e-mail to her from London, when he said, "Maybe we can do something, just the two of us, soon." He also thought of James telling him how happy the dancing had made his mother. He uncomfortably cleared his throat.

"It is one of two gatherings the PCT has each year, and since it is so close, I thought maybe we could attend."

Louisa's jaw dropped open. She tried very hard to be casual about her answer. "It sounds fancy, and like something I would enjoy. If _you_ want to go, that is. Will the Parsons be there?" Chris had maintained his position with the Primary Care Trust, only now it was known as the South West Strategic Health Authority.

"Most likely, yes," replied Martin. "Would you like to attend?"

"Yes." Again, she didn't want to make him uncomfortable by acting all excited about it, but, she had to admit, _she_ definitely was. They hadn't danced together since one obligatory song at their small wedding party. From that, and the few times she's glimpsed Martin swaying around, trying to calm their fussy baby, she knew he could dance.

To change the subject, Louisa picked up the Butterflies book and opened it to the rarities page. She read aloud about the Pale Clouded Yellow and the Long-tailed Blue being from the Mediterranean region, and how very few reach England's shores.

She read, "You should count yourself fortunate..."

Martin interrupted, quoting by heart, "... fortunate indeed should you see at liberty any butterflies of the species shown on this page."

Louisa smiled at him, then looked at the page of illustrations of the Camberwell Beauty, Long-tailed Blue, Queen of Spain Fritillary, Bath White, and Pale Clouded Yellow. Only the last one had a date underneath it. She knew already that this was the latest date written in the whole book.

Martin noticed a check mark, and pointed at it. "That is not my mark," he informed her.

"I didn't think so," said Louisa. "I believe the check marks in this book are Michael Dunwich's. You should thank him for giving this book back."

"Oh, God."

- oo0oo –

The three of them were walking back home from the school, being greeted left and right by villagers. James held his father's hand, occasionally hopping, knowing his father would not let him fall.

The librarian who had mentioned the Butterflies book to Louisa was going in the opposite direction.

"Have you figured out the mystery?" she asked.

Louisa knew what she meant, and answered, "Yes. A neighbour had it. It was a nice surprise getting it back."

"I'm glad," the librarian said as she continued on her way.

Martin scooped up James and whispered something to him when they were nearly home, and then the boy ran to his mother.

"Are you patient, Mummy?"

"Do you mean 'a patient' in Daddy's surgery, or am I patient that I can wait for things?"

James had to think about that.

"Waiting for things," he decided. "Daddy says I am very patient," he said, proudly.

"Did you wait for something?" Louisa asked.

"Yes!" James said a bit loudly. He was excited now. "Come and see! Come on!" And he ran to the back garden.

- oo0oo -

After visiting the farm and garden centre again, Martin drove them to visit Ruth on Sunday. After lunch, they went for a walk along the perimeter of the farm.

The three adults each carried a plant - Lucerne, Clover, and Broom - and Martin a shovel, as well. He had chosen the location, because he knew it was where he'd caught the Pale Clouded Yellow butterfly. He had refreshed his knowledge and the species favored coastal cliffs and open downland, exactly what the farm offered.

James ran ahead of them with a butterfly net he'd made with his mother the day before. Louisa was glad she had taken the time.

- oo0oo –

She went out shopping Saturday and brought home some items for a project with James. She bought an embroidery ring, a dowel, and had stopped at the school to empty a mesh onion bag and borrow a hot glue gun.

She had James help secure the open end of the onion bag between the embroidery rings. Then they carefully attached the dowel to the ring as a handle using the hot glue.

Next, she cut out squares of tissue paper, which she helped James twist in the middle to make butterfly shapes.

In the back garden, she had spent some time tossing the "butterflies" for James to practice catching, then encouraged him to toss the butterflies and catch them himself.

- oo0oo -

As they'd started out, Martin tried not to launch into a big training session, but he did ask his son to remember that butterflies are delicate. Catching one without hurting it was more important than just catching one.

They came upon Shirley and Michael Dunwich, who were doing a little maintenance, weeding and trimming their old, overgrown butterfly garden. With a reminding prod from Louisa, Martin thanked Michael for the book, and mentioned the check mark by the Long-tailed Blue rarity. Michael confirmed he saw one, and said the Broom plant would have attracted it.

Louisa watched on, thinking of all the nice things that had happened lately. Martin had missed her when he was away. He had opened up to her about his childhood sadness. He and James had made her a fun gift with grass seed, spelling out "MUM" in the garden. He was taking her dancing. Watching him now with James brought back the several conversations with townsfolk about how Martin interacts with his son.

She heard Michael ask Martin if he really saw the Pale Clouded Yellow. Martin thought about that unhappy moment again, the jar crashing to the floor in his mind, but he didn't tell Michael the story. He just said, yes, he did, and pointed to the area where he "saw" it. From behind Michael, Louisa smiled at him with shining eyes.

The End

**Questions - End of Chapter 9**

**Author's Note:**

Martin quoted from page 26 in:

Butterflies. With Illustrations (Puffin Picture Books, No. 115) by Arthur Smith, Vernon Shearer - Puffin Books, 1961.


End file.
